Shampoo's Good Plan Gone Bad
by Saotome Kyuubi
Summary: A superpower Kairaishi mushroom, a desperate Shampoo, pork buns and Saotome Ranma. Not to mention that no plan survives for long in Nerima... Oneshot RanmaAkane matchup.


Disclaimer: Ranma ½ and all the characters, trademarks etc. belong to Rumiko Takahashi and to their other rightful owners. To sum it up: I don't own Ranma

"Spoken"

_-Thought-_

**Shampoo's Good Plan Gone Bad**

Everyone, with the sole exception of Genma, turned to stare at the pigtailed boy as he descended the stairs. Ranma let his eyes wander from person to person… First he glared at his father who still hadn't dared to look at him. The now and then panda flinched as if he'd felt the hostile glare. The boy then let his gaze to shift to the unconscious form of Shampoo, who was still sprawled on the floor… the temperature instantaneously dropped more than ten degrees as Ranma's blue eyes narrowed menacingly.

Next in the line was his mother who simply turned her eyes to her still cowering husband… not before wiping away an errant tear that had formed and was making its way down her cheek. Then there was Kasumi, her eyes filled with pity, disappointment and uncharacteristic, dare he think, anger that was directed the prone Amazon and his shivering father.

Last, as Ranma pointedly ignored the lecherously grinning Happosai, there was Tendo Soun wearing his ancestral samurai armour and with eyes that were sad, angry and most of all filled with steely determination they usually lacked. The two locked eyes and then the boy nodded slightly before asking. "The marriage certificate?"

The moustached man nodded grimly and handed the boy a manila folder. Soun then lit a cigarette and inhaled it with one mighty drag before saying amidst a cloud of exhaled smoke. "I'm relieved Ranma-kun… to see you take your responsibilities so seriously."

He was apparently about to say something more but Ranma beat him to it by saying "Uhh… yeah…" while playing with his pigtail in a nervous manner. He then blushed before continuing. "About that…"

--- Earlier that day ---

Shampoo scowled at the angrily quacking Mousse. She was playing a losing game against Akane, the violent kitchen wrecker or pervert girl as she liked to call her. Her eyes flashed. _-Stupid great grandmother… forbidding any further use of magical or herbal aids in coercing Airen. And to think that she forbade me from removing violent pervert girl too…-_

Fact of the matter was that the Amazon elder Cologne was currently very cautious in all matters concerning the Saotome or Tendo families pending the council's full investigation regarding the events that took place at Jusendo. And for good reason… As some two months ago Saotome Ranma had slain the godlike Phoenix hybrid Saffron in single combat, a feat that might be beyond even the two-, or so, thousand years of combined martial arts expertise of the entire council.

And now Shampoo was losing her Airen to a weak Japanese barbarian. She knew that her Airen truly loved her, the strongest warrior of her generation, but felt some misguided duty to ignore her advances and play cold towards her… especially after she'd physically intervened to stop Airen being forced into a horrid sham of a marriage. Still… after tonight it would be Ranma's honour that would allow him to follow his heart to where it truly lay… to Shampoo and the Joketsuzoku where they would make the strongest babies the tribe had ever seen.

She scowled again at Mousse who was still furiously quacking in his cage before turning a rather leery smile at him. "Stupid Mousse… Hibachan not here and soon Airen and Shampoo be married in every sense of the word." She then hefted a carry-out basket to the now furious duck. "Stupid Duck-boy shut beak… soon Airen eat one of Hibachan's super-Kairaishi and then Shampoo and Airen make too good loving too." With a contemptuous flick of her purple mane the Amazon whirled about shot a "Bye-Bye Mu-Tsu..:" over her shoulder in a sing-song tone.

------

It was another quiet evening in the Tendo household. No fiancées coming out from the woodwork, no foreign princes seeking the pig-tailed girl's hand in marriage… heck not even Pantyhose Taro had come around to kill Happosai or beat Ranma, who would've been worried had not the Kunos made pests of themselves during the previous week. What worried the neighbours, who had started to gather up disaster kits and digging shelters, was the fact that Ranma and Akane hadn't been on each others throats for weeks… in fact the two hadn't had a major shouting match that ended with an airborne Ranma since the failed wedding.

Oh they did fight all right but mostly they were slight spats… something that, for the first time, could be justly called lovers' spats. There were several factors that contributed to this. One was the fact that both of the reluctant couple had been forced to grow up considerably during and after the events in Jusendo. Then there was the cold shoulder Ranma was giving to both Ukyo and Shampoo, with the Chinese girl mostly staying out of sight after a rather stern conversation between Ranma and the Amazon elder Cologne… neither Ranma nor Akane counted the Kunos as something you could reason with so they simply ignored them, or beat them in Tatewaki's case.

The largest contributing factor was that much to Genma's dismay his counterpart from the Tendo-ryu had seemingly lost his zeal when it came to the issue of quickly marrying off their offspring. The Tendo patriarch had even taken in stride the sight of his daughter and her fiancé laying side by side while watching some program or the other on the television… he had in fact gone as far as to ignore the signs of 'Oh Joy!' and 'Tendo-kun see how our children are in love… let's call the priest!' that were waved by a frantic panda and simply suggested a game of shogi to the now crying Genma.

As such the heirs of the Anything Goes schools were left much to their own devices without the need to loudly, insultingly or violently object to even being in the same room without an excuse such as dinner or other family meal for the fear that it might hail yet another surprise visit from a priest or another. At the moment the two were in fact engrossed with the new gaming system that Akane had won from lottery… after which Ranma sprung for a hot new martial arts fighting game… after which Nabiki, who blackmailed the money from her father, sprung for a new TV so that the rest of the household could actually watch it while the two martial artists duked it out in hi-res virtual reality.

Ranma had just whooped out a warcry and was about to deliver the finishing blow when the shoji door was slammed open to reveal Shampoo and a carryout basket. Ranma's concentration was broken but Akane was unable to press advantage as she too could only stare at the Amazon in wonder… there was no structural damage and the girl had actually used the door to enter the room. Everyone blinked in unison as the realization sat in… then Soun's eyes steeled over. "Miss Shampoo… I don't believe you've been invited to my home…" He then cast a furtive glance to Ranma who was still trying to come to grips that the Amazon had yet to break anything or barring that try to glomp him.

He didn't get a chance to ask what was going, or to placate the already fuming Akane as Shampoo opened the basket she was carrying and shoving it towards him while chirping cheerily. "Shampoo bring quality pork buns to Air… Ranma. No come fight viol… Akane… come as friend." She then again offered the buns to Ranma and said. "Buns no have love pills… Hibachan say no use on Ai… Ranma."

Ranma nodded tentatively and reached out for one of the buns. He cautiously sniffed it while thinking. _-Well… the Old Ghoul promised to play fair 'n' square.-_ Despite the warnings from Akane the boy was overcome by the mouth watering fragrance of the bun and threw caution to the wind and the bun into his mouth.

As Ranma swallowed the treat Shampoo's friendly smile turned into a sly grin of victory while she said. "Now Ranma make good, long loving to… **AKANE!**" Several things happened simultaneously… Shampoo's head snapped towards Genma who'd reacted quickly and yelled "Akane!" to drown out the Amazon's voice. And as her head turned to Genma she reflexively snapped her fingers causing Ranma to fix his eyes on Akane with burning intensity that made the girl simply freeze in shock.

Had anyone dropped a pin the sound it would have made while hitting the floor would have been akin to a thunderclap. The silence stretched for a short moment, during which Ranma's eyes began to water with tears, until Kasumi broke it with a well timed. "Oh my!" The exclamation acted as a starting signal as Ranma sprung forward, grabbed Akane and began to smother her with fervent kisses while starting to drag her towards the stairs. Soun, snapping from his shock, tried to stop the boy from ravaging his baby girl only to be brushed aside with casual ease as Ranma used him as a springboard to jump almost halfway up the stairs. Shampoo let a strangled cry and then tried to charge after the two only to slump to the ground unconscious as Happosai twirled his pipe several times before taking a puff off satisfaction and commenting "Oh no you don't sweet cheeks…" before turning to observe the general pandemonium that reigned in the Tendo living room.

Genma being himself began to cheer about the union of the houses until the steely sound of the Saotome family blade being drawn from its saya made him quickly turn into a clump of sweating, fearful flesh. The sight of Nodoka bearing down on him with the sword held in a classical 'ready' position made him back away from the rather menacing spectacle that was his wife until he was backed into the corner with no room to move away. His eyes sought out the only possible help he might have only to meet the rather demonic looking Soun who had already somehow managed to don his samurai armour and was waving a gleaming naginata while growling. "Saoootomeeee… what have you done?" To the part time panda's horror even Kasumi was looking at him as if she was considering a 'Panda table d'hôte' and a new interior décor with black-and-white carpeting. Being himself he decided that there was only one way out… the 'Crouch of the Wild Tiger'

Akane on the other hand was only coming to the realization that she was about to be on the receiving end of 'Good and long loving.' lest she somehow disable the pigtailed boy. With a fierce cry she tried to punch Ranma on the face, a feat that was made harder by the fact that he was busy kissing every visible stretch of skin on her face and neck. The blow never even landed as Ranma casually grabbed her hand, forced it down between them and sandwiched it there by pressing her slightly harder against himself. Tears began to fall from Akane's eyes as she realized that presently there was no way knock the boy out… they began to fall even harder as she noticed that she was running out of time and that Ranma's frenzied rush had already brought them to her room where she was easily tossed to the bed… not to mention that the boy evaded her strikes with bokkens, dumbbells, stacked cooking magazines and several other blunt and heavy objects that she managed to grab from the vicinity of her current whereabouts. There was only a choked "Ranma… please fight it…" as the boy once again closed in on her and began to smother her with kisses.

--- Present time ---

Ranma was now blushing furiously as he pulled something from within his shirt and held it up. "You see about that thing…"

--- Only a short while ago ---

Akane was now crying unabashedly and managed, amidst the weak blows and sobbing hiccups utter. "No… Ranma no… not like this when you don't want it too." As suddenly as the assault had begun it ceased letting her fall down and actually bang her skull against the headboard of her bed. Even now her temper reasserted itself and she suddenly yelled. "Ranma no baka why the hell did you do that?"

Ranma on the other hand was beet red and had backed away to the very foot of the bed where he was stuttering incoherently before finally managing a strangled. "Uhh… Akane you mean that… if I would want to…" He made some inane hand gestures. "You know… to that… then you'd want to too?" He began to stutter anew and made a few more embarrassed gestures.

Akane, with a tingling feeling that something was terribly wrong with the whole situation, glared at the boy before yelling. "Not like it matters you jerk... and just because you simply had to think with your stomach again." She then hefted a dumbbell that she'd picked during this brief respite and waved it menacingly. "So come on and you'll get it and… eh… Ranma… what's that?" Her tirade ended rather abruptly as Ranma produced a somewhat banged up but clearly unmasticated pork bun. Her eyebrow began to twitch as the sudden horrifying realization that her fiancé had been quite in command of his extremities while kissing her and worse hearing her confessing, sort of, her feelings to him… She saw red and heard her own voice yell "RANMAAA NO BAKAAA!" as the dumbbell began its descent.

As Ranma came to he took note of a low growling noise and the fact that he was hanging in midair. Then came the sensation of being shaken wildly… and finally the slight wave of pain and nausea from the said shaking. As the boy groaned and tried to fight off the dizziness he was abruptly dropped to his rump on something soft before a strong fist grabbed a handful of the front of his shirt and an angry voice all but bit out. "Well mister… you better start talking real fast or I'll make you wish you'd eaten that bun and gone off to do what ever with that Amazon hussy. What the hell were you trying to do?"

Ranma blinked a few times in an attempt to regain his bearings before the fist hovering in his field of vision snapped his brain back on track… sort of as it also brought back a memory of Akane's tearful voice saying that words that almost made him blow a gasket or two. Resolutely pushing the memory down, and blushing quite profusely in the process he managed to wave his hands in placating gestures and mumble out. "Uh… tomboy… chill out." The effect was quite the opposite as the fist hovering in front of him impacted on his already abused head making his vision swim for a moment. In desperation he cried out. "Akane please just… let me explain."

Seeing as how his fiancée's growling lessened a degree and no more blows were forthcoming Ranma started, after a moment of careful contemplation. "Uh… the Old Ghoul sort of forbade all stunts like this so I figured that it'd be safe. Good thing I noticed she had that sly 'I'm a winner' look on or I would've eaten the damn thing." There was a snort of disbelief from Akane as he continued. "Anyway then well… you know. I just sort of thought that if we could you know make the Amazons think that we…" He blushed at this. "You know… did it… they might just go away or something."

Akane just gaped at him before blurting out. "You idiot… you think our parents would sit still after something like this… actually you believe they'll let us not get married after this?" She growled in annoyance as Ranma just waved his hand in hushing gestures.

The pigtailed boy just shrugged before saying. "I'm sure Mr. Tendo will be too busy berating pops to think too much about it… besides I've got his word of honour as a martial artist not to try anything stupid. I mean… you've noticed right? He's been turning a blind eye to us being in the same room and all that." Akane blinked a few times before muttering something under her breath that made Ranma fidget. "Uh… Remember that time when he'd run into the bathroom door and had the black eye and all?" He smirked at the memory. "Well I had a little man to man chat with him and…"

The smirk died as Akane scowled before saying. "You beat up daddy? Ranmaaah!"

He quickly waved his hands to stop any impending attacks and quickly articulated. "Nonono… I didn't really beat him up or anything… I just had to knock him out so I could haul him out for a discreet little talk is all." He nodded in emphasis. "Anyway he promised to uh… stop trying to set these surprise weddings up and all that…"

The dark haired girl narrowed her eyes in disbelief. "And he just let it go at that? No crazy demands that you marry me at the end of high school or anything?"

Ranma began to fidget again, blushed and then tried look as if he'd been totally engrossed in staring the wall intently. A small demanding growl made him tug his pigtail and take a deep breath before speaking. "Well… uh I sort of promised to…" Another growl followed. "Toaskyououtonadate."

Akane just blinked before blushing and stammering. "A date?" As her fiancé nodded she all but squaled. "When? Where? What should I wear?" As the pigtailed boy mumbled something that she barely heard her jaw all but hit her knees. "You got tickets for the premier of a Jet Li movie… that they will be showing during the summer break… Ranma… that's in three months." She then smiled triumphantly. "Hah you perverted jerk… you've been trying to gather courage to ask me out. You've nothing but a gutless wimp!"

Ranma bristled before answering. "Am not… I've been just waiting… you know for the perfect opportunity." He then had a sudden revelation before pointing an accusing finger at the girl. "Besides that pervert tag isn't going to stick anymore 'Ms. I-want-to-do-you-if-you-want-to-do-me'."

Now it was Akane's turn to bristle, but before her temper got the best of her she was reminded of the fact that she had indeed said that. Also there was the current situation to deal with so she decided that she'd deck Ranma later at her leisure. As such she asked. "Oh Ranma… what the hell are we going to do now?"

The boy pondered it for a bit before saying. "Well… we're not in any hurry or anything." Seeing the uncomprehending look on Akane's face he elaborated while blushing. "I mean 'Ranma make good, long loving to… Akane!' remember? We should have a few hours at least to plan…" He then hung his head slightly. "By the way… Sorry 'bout this." He gestured around. "Maybe it wasn't as good a plan as I thought it would be… but hey you try making a plan in a split of a second… and it worked up to a point!"

Akane's eyes snapped open in a sudden revelation and she beamed. "Ranma… you are a genius." She simply ignored the flabbergasted expression on the boy's face and then suddenly lunged at him, grabbed his pigtail and pulled his face into a full, and very deep, kiss. The startled boy landed on the ground with a dull 'thud' and was rather unresponsive to Akane's question of. "Ranma… you do love me don't you?" The girl smiled slightly at the zoned out expression and the slight sliver of drool that was dripping from the corner of Ranma's mouth while thinking. _-Oh crud… I think I broke him.-_ She then cheered up as another thought entered her mind. _-Well that hussy Shampoo has done the same thing time and time over but all he's ever done is get all defensive… haha in your face bitch!-_

With a look of mock concern she slapped her fiancé sharply across the face eliciting an intelligent "Huh?" from Ranma. He almost went back into the catatonic state as he realized that Akane was currently straddling his torso and poking his forehead while demanding. "Well? You do love me don't you?" The blue eyed boy began frantically to seek someway to keep from answering the question and was about to stick his foot into his mouth when a warm finger that was pressed against his lips stopped him. "Don't even say anything… just nod if you do."

Some half or so an hour passed… filled with gentle prodding by Akane, a few slight kisses and following slaps to bring Ranma back to reality until finally there had been a confession of sorts. Beaming happily the heir to the Anything Goes Tendo-ryu poked her fiancé to the chest and said. "Now then Ranma… this is what we'll do…" Few moments, kisses and slaps later Ranma stumbled out of the room while Akane burst into action while thinking. _-Now what to wear… what to wear…-_

--- Yet again in the Present ---

There was a moment of stunned silence as everyone regarded the intact pork bun and somewhat embarrassed Ranma. Never one to miss an opportunity to capitalize Genma was the first to move and in a blink of an eye appeared next to his son before slapping him heartily on the back. "Well done boy… I knew you'd pull through. Why the misdirection of one's enemy is one of the basic tenets of the Saotome school. I'm glad to see that my years of training you haven't gone to UMPH!"

Ranma glared as he literally showed the Super-Kairaishi bun down his father's throat. Grimacing in disgust as he pulled his hand, covered with Genma's saliva up to the elbow, from his mouth and said. "Pops… tell mom and Mr. Tendo every shady deal you cut during our training trip." Genma paled in fear but before he could even react Ranma snapped his fingers. He watched with glee as his old man began the recount of all his little misdeeds.

Nodoka had been about to say something but rather held her tongue and used her katana to herd her babbling husband back to the corner and away from potential water sources that could stop this most interesting tale. Soun had already fainted with joy as it would seem that both Ranma and her little girl were about to be married… and with their honour intact even. It was Kasumi who questioned Ranma. "Oh my Ranma… but you were so convincing, with the tears and all… I was sure you were under the effects of the drug."

The boy simply shivered slightly and pointed at the bowl of 'cinnamon rolls' that were on the table. "I took one of those instead." Everyone who heard him flinched back reflexively as he continued. "They're not so bad… I mean she only mixed up the salt and the sugar so I don't think two of those in a day exceeds the lethal daily dosage." Kasumi just blinked as Ranma continued. "Uh anyway Kasumi… I was wondering if you could you know come upstairs to you know… witness this or something I mean were getting married and stuff… Akane thought that it'd be best to get it over with as soon as possible and then take these to the city hall tomorrow morning." He then noticed the slightly disapproving glance from Kasumi that clearly said 'Not appropriate' and hastily continued. "It's not like were going to… uh…" He waved his hands around in emphasis just to make his point… he did succeed in making Kasumi smile at the least.

As Kasumi stood up Happosai sprung into action. With ease born of centuries of martial arts experience he easily latched himself to Ranma's leg and looked up with dewy eyes. "Ranma m'boy… Unlike that pathetic excuse of a panda I knew you didn't eat the mushroom. This is why I, your benevolent master Happosai, decided to stop this Chinese menace from interfering." He then wiped a few tears before looking at the boy again while his whiskers quavered. "Ranma…" Sobs wracked the shrivelled body of the old man. "Ranma… my boy… you are certainly worth the title of my heir… and to think that you are about to… get it on… with sweet little Akane."

Ranma made a face of disgust and tried to shake the annoying pervert off his leg while yelling. "Shut it you old letch… I bet the only reason you knocked Shampoo out was so that you could claim you'd be her new 'Airen'"

The tears vanished in an instant as Happosai's eyes snapped impossibly wide. Suddenly the old master was hugging Ranma's chest, without dousing him with water even, and began to cry. "Oooh Ranma my lad… You do care about your old master." Fighting the urge to gag Ranma simply decked the old man and motioned Kasumi towards the stairs.

Little did either Ranma or Kasumi know that Akane hadn't been idle while her soon to be husband was downstairs. She'd torn into her closet in order to find a piece of garment hidden in the deepest depths. In all honesty she was particularly addicted to the idea of jumping Ranma or making wild love to him, not that she would object, but she enjoyed the fact that a mere kiss had sent the boy into catatonic state of bliss. Thus she'd decided to wear a little something, literally very little, that her friends Yuka and Sayuri had given her to 'Unleash Ranma'. As a result poor Kasumi was very nearly crushed when Ranma catapulted backwards by massive nosebleed at the sight of Akane posing on her bed in a rather raunchy set of lingerie.

Sometime after the moans had become audible to those in the living room Shampoo woke up. With a horrified look she stared at the ceiling when a particularly loud moan, more like a muffled scream, drifted from down. She pulled out a bonbori and yelled. "Ahh what pervert girl do… Shampoo must save Airen."

She was tripped, however as Happosai leered over her. "My sweet Shampoo… Akane is up there doing the nasty with Ranma but rest assured that your sweee-eet Airen doesn't need any rescuing." He then extended his hand while wiping some drool off his chin. "Airen 'Happi' will just settle for your silken darlings for the time being… what with me knocking you out and all that." His grin didn't quite diminish as Shampoo's turned somewhat green and with a yell of disgust staggered out of the room. The diminutive old pervert cackled and produced a pair of purple unmentionables and began to rub them to his face while cooing. "Shampoo-chan… oh how 'Happi-chan' is waiting for you…"

------

When Ranma descended the stairs some two or so hours later he was met with a rather mixed crowd. Soun, still in his armour, and Nodoka, holding a naked katana on her lap were scowling at a sweating Genma who had a tape recorder in front of him. The two other Tendo daughters on the other hand simply stared at him as the boy wasn't dressed in his usual clothing. In fact Ranma was rather undressed but too deep in a state of bliss to even care. He was wearing his trademark pants but was missing his top, also his hair was hanging loose, his mouth twisted into a seemingly perpetual smirk… not to mention the several prominent hickeys on his neck and a rather prominent set of teeth marks on his shoulders.

Kasumi seemed to sport a rosy blush while Nabiki simply thought. _-No fair… first the biggest thing in this house happens and I'm not here to witness it and now I don't have a camera to get the hottest beefcake photos of the century.-_ She came out slightly out of her bout of staring as Ranma inclined his head towards Genma. Nabiki smiled like a shark that was smelling blood. "About six months before you leave to China… or fiancée number 32." As Ranma raised an eyebrow she added. "I'm willing to take bets on how many fiancés you have." Kasumi didn't stop staring…

Ranma just shook his head ruefully and started towards the kitchen, only to be stopped by someone tugging his pants. He looked down to the beady eyes of Happosai who began to weep. "I'm sorry Ranma… I… I tried but I just can't…" He then waved a thick lingerie catalogue before bursting into tears again. "There are just two left but I can't choose between the two of them." Then the old man showed two rather scanty set of wedding lingerie to Ranma who looked at them both and wordlessly pointed at the skimpier. Happosai nodded in understanding before saying. "It would look better… but she'd have to shave…" Then his eyes widened as Ranma shook his head. "No?" Again the boy shook his head causing the old man to sob. "I… I… Ranma my boy… you make me so proud… you think that I might?"

To most everyone's amazement Ranma patted the old man on the head before saying. "I'm sure you'll know when they are in the laundry basket…" He then began to whistle tunelessly and headed to the kitchen where he opened the refrigerator and reaching in… Both Kasumi and Nabiki began to drool slightly while Happosai was engrossed in the catalogue. They continued drooling until a scream of mock anger shook them from their reverie. "You two done staring at my husband's butt? He's mine and I don't intend to share so go look for your own somewhere… need I remind you that it was the two of you who dumped him on me?"

Both of the elder sisters had the dignity to blush while Akane tiptoed to Ranma to give him a kiss on the cheek as he was piling fillings to what appeared to be world's largest submarine sandwich. Moments later the pair retreated back upstairs with a large carton of milk and the said sandwich leaving two rather flustered girls in their wake. Kasumi cast a glance at the ceiling before saying with a slight flush. "You think they'll go at it again?" She then flushed slightly more before continuing. "We'd have to wake up early to be at the city hall first thing and well… On that regard, are you coming?"

Nabiki grinned and waved her off. "Relax sis… I have a hoard of earplugs just for the occasion. Though I never would have thought they'd be quite that noisy… I just wonder if 'Ranma-chan' is a screamer like Akane. Anyway I'll be at the city hall… not like I'd miss the event of the millennia." A squeal and a giggle, followed by an admonishment from Akane floated from upstairs causing Nabiki to speak again. "Still… I think I'll check with the construction company and ask them to come and sound proof the guest room. The earplugs might get uncomfortable on the long run..."

------

The crowd looked worse for the wear the following morning. That excluding Ranma, Akane and Happosai. Kasumi and Nabiki, especially Nabiki since she shared a wall with Akane, had been trying to get some sleep wearing earplugs. Nodoka had apparently spent the night either lamenting over the wrongdoings of her husband, 35 fiancées and two fiancés and four contracts for grandchildren or listening how her son was being manly to hours well past midnight. Soun had been agonizing over the same things or trying to come to grips that her little baby girl had become a woman, several times even. Genma was on the run, having raided the pantry for food and taken off in the night to let things blow over… presumably he'd be back after he would judge the situation safe, or the food ran out… whichever came first.

Regardless the Tendos, Saotomes and Happosai were in a rather jovial mood, something that prompted Ranma to raise a suspicious eyebrow at Nabiki and inquire. "So what are you so cheery about? You didn't inform every wacko in or out of Nerima about this did you?"

Nabiki made a face of falsely accused innocence and said. "But brother! Seriously… would I divulge details about this joyous occasion to the masses?" Both Akane and Ranma nodded in unison while Nabiki clutched her heart in fake anguish. "You wound me… my brother and sister have both turned against me." She then suddenly recovered and said. "Oh yeah and neither of you better talk too much before lunchtime today so that I can sell all the juicy details… I can milk forty… maybe even sixty thousand Yen from Kuno-chan." As an afterthought she added. "Oh and there's the fact that no one in the whole Ranma-Akane betting pool had made a bet about the date or the manner… so I'm the big winner." Both of the newlyweds rolled their eyes.

Not too long after they had entered the town hall a teary eyed Soun accompanied Kasumi and Nodoka to the shopping district to fetch the foodstuffs necessary for a celebratory feast while those who had school sped towards the Tendo home to get a change of clothes.

------

Hinako Ninomiya waved her arms frantically as she buzzed from student to student and confiscated their manga, sweets and gaming systems. Her frenzy was interrupted when her most delinquent student and his fiancée entered the classroom causing her eyes to narrow. "Saotome-kun… you are inexcusably late! I have half the mind to punish you severely for your delinquency but I'll let you off easy this time… the buckets… and into the hallway."

Akane waved her hand, while slapping the other on Ranma's mouth before he could make an 'intelligent' reply and said. "Hinako-sensei we were both delayed on a family matter… here's a note from our parents."

The chibi-Hinako blurred into motion and grabbed the note, scanned it, squealed and then turned to one of the students. "Motoko-kun… you'll switch places with Saotome-kun." Everyone blinked as Ranma ambled to the pointed student and muttered an apology, lifted the girl's desk into air before depositing the desk in place of his own and transporting it to the place of Motoko's desk.

Most students didn't pay much heed to the fact that Ranma was now sitting directly in front of Akane. There were exceptions, such as the friends of Akane and Ranma both, as well as Ukyo who frowned at the sudden change in seating order. _-What have those two been up to? And why are they sitting next to each other… doesn't that damn woman realize that I'm Ranchan's cute fiancée and should be sitting next to him-_

The entire class seemed to recoil in terror as Hinako cheerily chirped out. "So Saotome… now that we've rearranged the sitting order I'll be expecting you to keep your husband awake during my lessons." Then she winked at the blushing pair. "My congratulations to you both by the way."

The class exploded into a chorus of yells, boos and cheers that all died out when Hinako yelled "Quiet you delinquents." while brandishing a five yen coin. The silence that followed was oppressive until a strangled warcry from Ukyo shattered it. With a yell she lunged over the desks towards the newlyweds only to be caught midair while Hinako screamed "Delinquent!" before yelling. "Happogoensatsu"

Ranma actually winced slightly at the sight of his childhood friend floating listlessly like an empty balloon but did his best to ignore it as Hinako directed one of the girls to take Ukyo to the infirmary before casting a warning glance at the rest and asking "Any more delinquents?" in her sultry adult tone.

The class had quieted down but still… lunch time came all too soon in Ranma's opinion. No sooner than the bell rang Akane was practically accosted by more than half of the female population of the class while he, himself was attacked by most of the male population. What surprised Ranma was his friend Hiroshi who simply clung to his neck and began to weep. "Ranma I trusted you and you… you… Damn you. Couldn't you have waited for two more measly weeks before snapping. Now I lost a full month's worth of beefbowls at the Nekohanten." The accused boy just blinked before thanking his stars that this was the worst so far… aside from Akane's friends who were casting some rather heated glances towards him after moment of whispering and giggling session with his new wife.

It didn't take too long into the lunch break as there was a familiar cry of. "Saotome... I, Kuno Tatewaki, forbid this travesty!" This was followed by a brutal beating administered by Akane who took her duty as the new wife rather seriously.

In the end the pandemonium was rather anticlimactic. Akane had been right… if they got married all legal and good there was very little that anyone could do about it. Oh they did try all right… The Kunos hired a lawyer to hasten their annulment of the sham marriage and when that failed, to force the law to 'unmarry' them since it was all due to foul sorcery and such. Needless to say the suit didn't quite make it even to the filing phase. Ukyo recovered, though she spent the next few months trying to ascertain that she was being fooled… one night in the Tendo household, even with the soundproofing, convinced her otherwise. Ryoga… well he was rather late to do anything about it. And when he found out it took more than three hours to wake him from his catatonic state as he'd entered via the window to challenge Ranma yet again, only to walk smack middle of the couple who'd been fulfilling their mutual marital duties.

Oh yes… The elder council ruled that 'Happi' wasn't suitable Airen for Shampoo and as such freed her from the servitude, much to everyone's relief. Happosai wasn't too put down by that however as he'd found Akane's set of wedding lingerie from the laundry basket and was too busy worshiping the new gem of his collection to pay much heed to the pesky Chinese.

Genma returned as well… only to take off when one or other of the fiancées or fiancés came calling. Which in truth amounted only to some twenty or so times since he was a master in hiding his trail after all… he was also made to work for the food bills he'd accumulated during these little expeditions… The Nerima Zoo became rather famous with the 'Martial Arts Panda' shows it held in cooperation with the Saotome-Tendo Dojo.

**The End… or some such**

Author's Rant:

Well there you have it… This sort of surprised me as I was (And still am) working on another little Ranma story… this one came from the left field and wouldn't go away until I wrote it down.

If you read this far review and remember… there are never too many stories in the Ranma fandom… and never too many Ranma/Akane match-ups!


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